One small step for man…..
.... and one giant fucking leap for me. Today I did something I should have done a lot earlier in my life. I went and saw a psychologist. It's really not an easy thing to do. When you are like me, and have had so many things in your life that has forced you to be strong and resilient for years, trying to open up and let all these things through so you can deal with them is a very hard thing to do. But I did it, and even after one hour I've started implementing some things that were brought up in an effort to get me out of this funk.
Funk. That makes it sound so trivial. Yes I suffer from depression. That is not a trivial thing, but it sure is hell not something I would use as an excuse for everything wrong in my life, or everything that goes wrong in it unlike some people I know do. It is a result of many, many things. I don't need a magic pill that will make me feel OK, i would rather face these issues and get over them.
And that is what I am going to do. The first thing is to get some studio work. I'm going to approach several recording studios in the area and off my services free of charge if I can just be a fly on the wall or engineer assistant during sessions. I want to get in there and start learning. I may even offer professional web design services in trade for watching and learning. It may also be a good way to get some more web work full stop from artists, which is an area I would really like to focus on.
This one hour helped me put a lot more in focus than I could have imagined. Or then again maybe it's my obsessive compulsive behavior showing through again. I don't know, but hopefully I can work more things out over the coming months.
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